Why Your Story Isn’t Landing (and How to Fix It)

Why Your Story Isn’t Landing (and How to Fix It)

By Jim Thompson / BrightTrail.biz

I’ve seen it so often it makes me cry.

A business owner is thrilled with the way their story portrays them, their success, their product, their history, their brand.

Except no one’s listening.

We all want our stories to matter. Yet most of them drift past your audience like static because it has nothing to do with them.

For owners who poured their blood, sweat and tears into their business -- this is hard to hear.

But I say it to every client.

“Before we map out your story -- we first must define who we want to listen to it.

Because it’s their story we’re telling.”

Here are some of the common traps businesses fall into, why audiences tune out, and how to turn things around by listening to and creating value that centers on your future customer.

Oversharing — it’s just too much information

We love to tell our stories. But flooding customers with every detail of our history and process quickly wears them out. Consumers don’t care about you or your story; they care about what makes their life better.

Example: A software company’s email devotes three paragraphs to the founders’ Steve Jobs garage story. Customers tune out long before they learn how the product might help them.

Fix: The narrative of a humble, bootstrap beginning has merit, but it will not cause your customer to pause and listen. Hold it for later -- after you’ve established how you’ll make their life better.

Empty buzzword phrases, yikes!

Good lord -- speak plainly.

It’s tempting to sound polished with phrases like “industry‑leading solutions” or “optimize your workflow.” In reality, these words mean nothing to your audience. They’re lazy answers to the question, “What do you do?”

Example: A B2B consultant promises to “implement best practices” without specifying how those will impact their business’ bottom line and earn the CEO a bonus.

Fix: Strike buzzwords, and ask how your successful clients have described your impact in the past. That’s solid ground you can stand on.

‘It’s cheaper’ … isn’t a great lead

Discounts have their place, but making them the focus of your message can backfire. A cheaper solution that doesn’t work has zero value.

Example: A CPA promotes a $299 tax preparation service that turns your return around in 48 hours. Getting it done quickly and cheaply is great, but not if I’m missing a $3,000 deduction.

Fix: Sell value, not price. Describe the peace of mind of working with a CPA who previously worked for the IRS and who is fairly priced.

Whose adventure story are we telling?

I can’t stress this one enough -- many brands position themselves as the hero of the story when what the client really wants is a trusted guide to help them become the hero.

Example: A nonprofit creates a newsletter talking about its dedicated founders and volunteers who serve the community, without mention of the courage of the community itself.

Fix: Cast the customer (or beneficiary) as the hero. Spotlight the bravery of community members taking their first steps toward a better life and your gratitude to assist in that journey.

Mistaking Features for Benefits

Touting specs like a larger screen, a 1200‑watt motor or a high-density foam core, assumes customers will connect the dots between those features and a better life. They rarely do. They care about outcomes like avoiding eye strain, cleaner carpets and a better night’s sleep.

Example: An e-commerce platform touts its “advanced SEO-optimized automations.”

Fix: Translate features into benefits: “Your products are seen by more customers thanks to improved visibility in search listings.”

Capturing Attention vs. Earning Trust

You’ve probably heard of the “Attention Economy” but it’s important to note that attention is not enough to create business. For that you require trust that you can deliver what you are promising.

Example: A financial advisor creates AI videos of animals sharing investment advice.

Fix: A financial advisor shares a copy of the budget he and his wife created when they were first married highlighting the $100 investment they made each month.

Playing Yourself vs. Being Yourself

Let’s face it most of us are not great actors. So you can understand how easy it is for people to sense when you’re “acting” like someone else. Few things damage trust faster than a lack of authenticity.

Example: A local art gallery adopts a British voiceover in their videos to sound more elevated.

Fix: A local art gallery showcases patrons explaining the joy they feel when supporting local artists and owning pieces tied to their hometown.

Every marketing story is an opportunity to earn trust by showing you care about what your customer cares about. Strip away the fluff, speak plainly about their problems, and show them a path to their desired future. When you do, your story won’t just land; it will resonate.